I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
