Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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