i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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