So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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