Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize