3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
