i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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