my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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