I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
