I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
