Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
