I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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