we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
