he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
