I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
