Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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