we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
did i just pee glitter
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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