More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
