i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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