all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
