Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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