She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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