There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
