you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
