and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
