you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
