He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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