A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
