This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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