Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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