I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
