i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
