If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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