I wanna passion pit in your ass
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
