If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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