i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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