i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
