You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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