i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
