We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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