i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
