It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
