i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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