im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
