you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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