Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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