my sisters under your porch take her home
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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