he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
