They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
