So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
